Late Night Crack Fic and The Story Of Last Night
by flailingmuse
Summary: A crack!fic written from midnight to 2am. Also included is a fax-y mega makeout scene, which is the reason for the rating. 'A tale of lingerie, an empty house and cookies in naughty places.' is the summary for The Story Of Last Night.


**MIdnight to 2am crack fic plus uber Fax makeout. What more do you want, people?**

* * *

Me: Yooooo, wassup, guys?

Fang; Oh crap, head for the hills, she's sleep deprived

Me: It's close to miiiidnight

Max: After midnight actually

Me: I'll sing Michael Jackson lyrics if I want

Fang: What about Repo?

Me: I haven't watched it yet, so I won't start quoting it

Fang: You're weird

Me: Damn straight, piggy

Fang: I'm not a pig, Luci!

Max: You're a sexist pig

Fang: I am not!

Max: Yes you are!

Fang: How?

Max: You…uhm…uh….

Fang: There goes your argument

Max: You annoy me

Me: You BOTH annoy me

Fang and Max: QUIET, YOU!

Me: Fine, be that way

Fang: Max, I don't always annoy you

Max: Yes you do

Fang: I wasn't annoying you last night

Max: Well, no

Fang: So don't complain

Max: I'll complain if I want

Fang: If you never want last night again

Max: I'll be good

Me: Wait a minute! What happened last night, you two?

Fang: Nothing

Max: Nothing at all

Me: Oh, no, you don't get off that easy. Something happened. You are aware that you're not legal yet, aren't you?

Max: SILENCE

Me: NEVER. Come on. Spill it

Fang: It was fun

Max: Fang, I'm warning you now, don't say a word

Fang: You see, Luci, Max had this _really nice_ set of underwear…

Max: FANG WITHOUTASURNAME!

Fang: Oh, come on Max. The whole thing was your idea, and as I recall you quite enjoyed it

Max: That's not the point!

Me: -puts duct tape over Max's mouth- tell me ALL about it, Fang.

Fang: Well now, that would be telling, wouldn't it? –sly smirk-

Me: That's kinda the whole point

Fang: Well, do some mental maths

Me: But I suck at maths

Fang: Do some anyway. Me in underwear plus Max in sexy underwear plus the Flock, Dr M and Ella at the movies most of the night plus cookies that certainly weren't eaten off of a plate equals….?

Me: A GOOD TIME HAD BY ALL.

Fang: Ten out of ten. Good job, you get a star

Me: YAY STARS!

Max: -rips off duct tape- FANG I WILL HURT YOU

Fang: Ah, ah, ah, Max, my dear. You don't want the cost of that underwear to go to waste, now do you?

Max: It only cost fifteen dollars of mom's money

Fang: Well then, do you want me to tell Dr Martinez that you didn't spend her fifteen dollars on cookies and stuff as she thinks, but actually on underwear that's entirely inappropriate for your average fifteen year old?

Max: When did I have a birthday?

Fang: At some point. Maybe in an actual book, maybe in a fanfiction? All I know is Luci wants us to be fifteen now.

Me: Yes indeed, although Wikipedia says otherwise. It also tells me about a book with Fangs name as the title which as far as I know, doesn't exist yet. Internet scam to incense fans or actual book to come out soon?

Fang: I don't like the sound of it.

Max: Me either. If part of that summary comes true, then I will kill James Patterson.

Fang: So will I

Me: I will rally the fandom and march on his home and demand he change it

Fang: Moving on. Luci, your name isn't actually Luci is it?

Me: Nope

Fang: It's Sam, am I right?

Me: You are

Max: Then why do you call yourself Luci?

Me: Cause it's cooler than Sam

Max: I don't know, Sam is a pretty cool name

Me: You only like it on guys

Fang: I don't like it on guys at all

Me: Just keep calling me Luci and everything will be cool.

Max: Can we have a story now? Instead of just this dialogue?

Fang: Please, Luci?

Me: I don't know, it's kinda late to be writing….

Fang: -summons Lestat-

Lestat: Bonjour, mademoiselle. You look ravishing

Me: Well, maybe I will...

Max: -conjures up some Loki x Maddy Runemarks fanfiction-

Me: Now you're talking! I may just be getting an idea

Fang: -kidnaps Stuart Townsend and puts him in the Fangirl Basement™-

Me: Okay, I'll write a story about you two last night

Fang: Mmmm, thank you very much! Now I get to relive the whole thing again…

Max: THAT WASN'T WHAT I HAD IN MIND!

Fang and Me: -Duct tape Max's mouth-

Max: Mmphh!

* * *

**The Story Of Last Night – Pre MAX because I haven't read it yet. Possibly even pre Final Warning. Just…suspend your disbelief for a moment and let the whole flock be at Dr M's house. SUSPENSION OF DISBELIEF, PEOPLE. Older Teen for Naughtiness. Max and Fang are magically fifteen as well. Just cause I say so. **

**A tale of lingerie, an empty house and cookies in naughty places.**

"Bye mom! Bye guys! Have a good time!" Max called as Dr Martinez, Ella and the flock drove off in the minivan to the movies. They were going to see some animated film about a dog with superpowers. Nudge, Angel and Gazzy had been enthusiastic, though she suspected that Iggy and Ella would find a way to get cosy without Dr Martinez noticing. Max hadn't wanted to go – she hated having the flock far away from her, but she really didn't want to be in a dark cinema with them, watching a cartoon dog run about. Fang wasn't going either. He said it was the film that made him want to stay home, but Max suspected that he just wanted to stay with her. She smirked to herself a little as she shut the door, thinking about what she might do tonight.

"Hey Fang, watcha doing?" she called as she wandered down the hall into the front room. He glanced up at her from the sofa and shrugged.

"Not much. The TV right now sucks." Max smiled and sat down next to him. Her heart was fluttering wildly in her chest. Could she really go through with this? She leant casually against Fangs shoulder and stared in a bored kind of way at the TV. On the screen a woman was shouting in Spanish at another woman, who was naked in bed with a man.

"Hooray, soap opera drama," she muttered. She saw Fang glance down at her out of the corner of her eye and tried to quell the butterflies in her stomach. _You've faced Erasers and worse,_ she told herself, _this will be easy._ She reached up to brush a strand of hair over her shoulder and let her fingers rest for a moment on the lump of the bra strap beneath her shirt. She swallowed quietly. What would his reaction be?

"Hey Fang?" she said, crushing the nervous tremor in her voice through sheer will power. He met her gaze, steadily and calmly, in his usual unreadable way.

"Yeah?" Max twisted her hair in her fingers.

"You know all the…stuff that keeps happening between us? Like on the beach and in the cave and…stuff," she said lamely, cringing at her words. But then, she had never been that eloquent when it came to feelings, and these feelings were new to her.

"Uh-huh," he replied, frowning a little. "What about it? Have you made up your mind about me yet? Cause the mixed messages are getting kind of annoying."

"I'm sorry about that," she blurted out, "I really am. It's just that I…well, at the time I was confused about it myself and…I'm sorry." Fang's mouth twitched in a tiny smile.

"I forgive you," he said, and then added in an almost silent whisper, "I'd forgive you for anything."

Max smiled widely at him. That was the first part out of the way. She turned around on the sofa so that she was facing him.

"Can I make it up to you? The annoying mixed messages and the running away etcetera?"

"What do you mean?" Max inhaled deeply through her nose, steeled herself, thought, _this is it, no turning back now. He'll either go with it or run screaming,_ and then swung herself onto Fangs lap. His eyes widened and then a confused smile spread across his lips.

"Well, this is nice," he said. Max smiled back at him, trying to keep the nervousness away. _Just relax_, she told herself. _It'll be fine._

"You like it?" she said, wrapping her arms around his neck and gazing at him. He reached up a hand to stroke her cheekbone gently with one finger.

"Sure I do. Who wouldn't want you on their lap?" Max laughed and swatted his chest lightly. He made a face.

"Oh, you want to beat me up instead?"

"No," Max said, smirking and leaning forwards, "I'd much rather do this." Then she pressed her mouth to his. The chemistry was incredible. Fangs lips started to tingle and he reached around and pulled Max closer to him. He ran his fingers through her wings, caressing the feathers. Eventually they pulled apart to breath. Both of their faces were flushed.

"Now that was very nice indeed," Fang said. "Surprising, but very nice."

"Do you like surprises then?" Max asked, with a teasing tone in her voice.

"If they're like that, then heck yes."

She smiled and got up. Fang stood up quickly after, grabbing her wrist.

"You can't just leave me hanging like that!" Max grinned.

"I'm not leaving you. I have a surprise you might like, if you're as much as a hormonal, testosterone driven teenage boy as I think you are. Now, be a good little bird-boy and get some cookies from the kitchen. Wait for five minutes then come to my room."

Fang looked confused.

"I don't understand…" Max cut him off by placing a finger over his lips.

"Ssh for now. All will become clear. Just do as you're told, Fangy boy. I'm the leader remember?" Fang nodded, stole a quick kiss before she had time to stop him and went into the kitchen.

Max raced upstairs to her room and made sure the door was shut. She'd cleaned up earlier today, so the carpet was clean and her bed was neatly made. She leaned against the door and let out a long whoosh of breath.

"Whoa," she muttered, "Can I really go through with this?" Then she took a deep breath and nodded to herself. "Yes I can. I want this, and I'm pretty sure he will. He'd better." She grinned to herself in the dark. Then she went over to the bedside table and turned on the lamp. A soft, warm glow lit up the room. Then she took off her socks and tossed them in the laundry basket. She unzipped her hoodie and tossed onto a chair. Then she undid most of the buttons on her blouse – one she had borrowed from Ella so that she 'had at least one nice thing to wear when mom takes us places'. She shoved the shorts she had on over some black leggings down lower on her waist and sat on the bed, waiting.

As she had asked, five minutes later Fang knocked on the door.

"Come in," she said. Her heart was pounding and she had to fight to keep from hyperventilating. Fang was carrying a plate with about a dozen cookies on it. When he saw Max leaning back on her hands on the bed, blouse undone just enough to show the smooth skin above her breasts his eyes went wide in shock. Then he noticed how low her shorts were riding and had to close his eyes and swallow for a moment.

"So, where's my surprise?" he asked, putting the cookies on the bedside table and sitting next to Max. She smiled in a seductive way that he had never seen on her before and pushed him over so that he was lying down on his back on the bed. Then she ran a hand lightly up and down her body.

"Tada, surprise," she whispered.

"But I've seen you before," Fang said, with the barest hint of a wobble in his voice.

"Not in this state of undress you haven't," Max replied. As she spoke she began to play with the buttons on her blouse, undoing them one by one in a way that suggested she didn't even know she was doing it.

After barely a moment the sides of her blouse were hanging open. They hadn't fallen completely apart, but Fang could see the flat planes of her lightly tanned stomach and the barest hint of…

"Red lace?" he muttered in confusion.

"Whoops, I made a mistake," Max said, lightly, shrugging off her blouse. "This is your surprise."

Fang stared in disbelief for a moment and then a grin spread over his face which brightened Max's view of the room more than any lamp.

"Well, it's not fair for you to be the only shirtless one," he said. He wrenched his shirt over his head and dropped it to the floor. Max licked her lips lasciviously and ran her fingers down his chest as he sat in front of her.

"You like it?" he asked, repeating her words from earlier. Max nodded. Fang reached out and slowly, tentatively, traced small circles over her stomach. Max smiled, sweetly. While she was distracted, Fang pulled her on top of him and then flipped her underneath him. She gave a small cry of shock. Then he pulled her face to his and kissed her hungrily.

_This is going better than I expected_, Max thought to herself as Fangs tongue brushed across her lips. Every time any part of her skin touched his it felt like static electricity, but much more sensual. As they continued to kiss and run fingers and hands over each others torsos, the world around them faded to nothing. All Fang could thing was _Max Max Max oh God Max this is incredible I think I love you Max Max Max_

All Max could think was pretty much the same; _Fang Fang Fang Fang why did I wait so long this is bliss this is what heaven is like oh God oh God Fang Fang Fang_

After quite some time, Max remembered the cookies on the bedside table. She pulled away from Fang reluctantly and reached out to grab them.

"Now isn't the time to eat _food_, Max," he complained, trying to kiss her again. She dodged his mouth.

"On the contrary, now is a very good time to eat food. Plates are over rated though," Max said. She took a bite from a cookie and let the crumbs of biscuit and chocolate chip fall onto her chest. She wasn't that well endowed – heck, Ella had more up top than her – but the crumbs fell into the gap between her breasts anyway.

"You dropped some," Fang murmured into her ear before proceeding to slowly lick up the crumbs that had fallen. Max arched her back and closed her eyes.

"Mmmm," she breathed. Then she opened her eyes and put the cookie back on the plate.  
"Still think we should eat later, lover boy?" she said. Fang shook his head with a wide smirk. Then he picked up a cookie, bit it and then lowered the part sticking out of his mouth to Max's lips. She opened her mouth and bit onto the protruding part of the cookie. They both crunched down at the same time and quickly chewed and swallowed. The crumbs from the eating had fallen onto Max chest in the same place as the last ones. As before, Fang pressed his mouth between Max's breasts and licked up the crumbs. Max sighed in pleasure and let her eyes close as the mouth that was so very good at kissing went to work on her chest.

"Fang….you….are….incredible," she breathed out in between sharp gasps of pleasure as he found a new way to make her go limp beneath him.

"Max, you have the best surprises," Fang said against her skin, the vibrations of his voice making her shiver.

"I do, don't I?" Max replied. That was when Fang remembered that Max was only wearing shorts and tights on her legs instead of her usual jeans or sweat pants. He ran a light fingered hand down over her stomach, across the curve of her hips and along the top of her thigh. Max shuddered beneath him and pulled his chin down so that she could whisper against his lips,

"Use those clever fingers of yours too much around there and we might get ourselves into a….predicament." Fang kissed her, long and slow, and then said,

"But wouldn't it be a wonderful predicament to be in?" Max smiled and pulled him close. One hand traced circles across the tops of her thighs and the other caressed her side. His mouth found hers and their lips moved together as though they had been doing it for years. Fangs tongue brushed lightly over Max's lips and she let them part, reaching out with her own tongue to taste Fangs mouth.

They were pressing close together now, Fang using one arm to keep himself raised over Max so as not to crush her. He had on leg between hers and the other keeping him balanced on the bed. As they kissed Max began to run her hands over Fangs chest and back, marvelling at the feel of his cool, olive skin beneath her fingertips. She massaged the base of his wings as well and ran her hands through the inky feathers. Fang on the other hand was slowly moving his hand to the inside of Max's thighs and each time he brushed along her tights over the sensitive skin there she gasped into his mouth and arched her chest against him.

"Fang…" she breathed, "I love you."

"I love you too," Fang murmured into her mouth. He didn't kiss her again for a while, enjoying the sensation of her breath coming in short burst against his skin. She opened her eyes and gazed at him. Her hair was messier than it was after a windy flight. Her eyes were bright and her skin was tinged with pink. He thought she had never looked more beautiful. All of a sudden they were kissing again, mouths moving urgently together.

Max had wondered a few times about how it would feel to have someone's tongue in your mouth. She had thought it might be kinda gross, but when Fang's tongue was brushing across the roof of her mouth and over her own tongue, she couldn't think of a more amazing sensation. Except for the jolts that came as his hand was rubbing lightly up and down the inside of one of her thighs, getting higher and higher with each movement.

"Mmmgod," she moaned, pressing against his chest. Just as the tips of his fingers were about to get as high at they could go, they both froze. The sound of a car pulling into the drive was unmistakable in the silence of the house.

"Crap," Fang muttered, rolling off of Max. He hurriedly grabbed his shirt and threw it on.

Max swore as well, flattening her hair and clumsily trying to get her blouse on and fastened. Fang put his warm hands over her shaking ones and then did up the buttons himself. Max smiled gratefully and brushed the cookie crumbs from her bed.

"Do I look strange?" she asked Fang, running her fingers through her tangled locks.

"A little flushed. Just go get in the shower before they get in."

Max nodded, kissed him quickly on the lips and darted out of the bedroom to go to the bathroom. Fang heard the water start running as Dr Martinez, Ella and the flock walked in the door.

"Max, Fang, we're back!" Nudge called, "Come here and let me tell you about the film!" Fang rolled his eyes and went downstairs.  
"Max is in the shower, Nudge, so you'll have to wait," he said. Nudge pouted. Dr Martinez nodded and smiled at Fang before announcing that she was going to bed and that Gazzy and Angel should too.

"What?" Angel said in an annoyed tone, "It's only half-nine!" But she took Dr M's hand and let herself be put to bed. Gazzy huffed and sulked but went to his bed in the room he shared with Iggy without too much of a fuss. Iggy and Ella also went up to bed.

"It's tiring trying to keep those three quiet in the movie theatre," Iggy told Fang, "They got so hyper off of the coke and popcorn. Especially Nudge."

Nudge didn't go to bed though.

"I want to tell Max about the movie!" she complained to Fang.

"Why not just tell me and then tell her in the morning?" he suggested. Nudge scoffed.

"You won't listen properly, and I'll have forgotten all the important bits by tomorrow." She stopped her rant in mid flow then, looking intently at Fang.

"Fang, why do you have mushed up chocolate chips on your face?"

* * *

Me: There, are you happy guys? It's two am now. I hope you're pleased with yourself.

Fang: That was an excellent retelling.

Max: Hmph. She didn't have to make me seem so…slutty

Fang: You didn't seem slutty!

Me: I would never write you as slutty, Max, dearest. This is only really an Older Teen story, but stupid fanfiction doesn't have that rating option.

Max: Well, if you're gonna upload it, do it tomorrow.

Me: Why?

Max: Cause this will have errors in. You wrote it in the early hours of the morning!

Me: Your point, Max, darling?

Fang: You'll re read it and see how bad it is

Me: You don't like my writing anymore –lip wobble-

Fang: No! Ah! That's….not what I meant!

Me: YOU JUST DON'T LOVE ME ANYMORE

Max: Ah, crap. Now look what you did.

Fang: -glowers.-

* * *

**imma sleep now. -zzzzzzz-**


End file.
